Some nutjob has documented every error in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons. Which were made in Dublin by the way.

He has disabled embedding so check the comments below to see one. There are 200+ on his YouTube channel

He wanted to know what the FLASH video is in yesterday’s post. So now I have to repeat myself. It’s nothing to do with Adobe Flash or Flash Gordon, it’s a video from 1984. I had a youtube video saved to my favourites but the owner has deleted it for some reason. It was billed as “FLASH! Video comic for 21st century kids”, the idea being that they’d package anime, cartoons and wacky clips in a regular video release for kids to rent.

Here’s a snooty review of the first tape which I rented the shit out of again and again as a kid. The Japanese animation made me feel weird and it was my first exposure to it. I found my copy years later in a bargain bin back in the heyday of grimy video shops.

I’d love to transfer it to digital to show you some of the clips, the highlights are the original material the makers put in. One of those gammy robotic grabbing arms picks up a video and puts it into the player with a weak, shaky grasp. You can see it at the bottom of the cover above.

The other video beside it is another gem close to my heart ( I have about 6 videos left from a collection of hundreds). Roaring Fire.

The trailer makes it look shit. This film struck a chord with me becasue it was the first Japanese martial arts film I saw as opposed to hundreds of Chinese ones I lapped up. It has some mental scenes such as the hero fighting a ventriloquists dummy and a bizarre cameo from Abdullah the Butcher

PS: I fucking hate Roger Ramjet

There’s maybe a decent 30 minute programme in there somewhere but it’s stretched out to a feature. A long, smug feature. It avoids the etymological side completely which would be probably most people’s reason for watching it.

Who is this aimed at? Me probably, 30 something designer who has dinner parties and owns several pairs of shoes. But it’s just the smugness of the whole thing. Jeanine Garofalo and Kevin Smith are in it…anything with them two MUST be witty and urbane. Billy Connolly is in it as well. I used to really love him until I listened to every album he has one weekend and realised his act is so phoney, if you were to plot the time codes on a graph of how far into each show he mentions he was a welder it would give you a straight line.

If this was 1989 it would be sought out and devoured by 10 year olds from all around the world, from London to Bombay. But the 10 year olds of today see more hardcore porn on their phones on the bus to school than my generation ever amounted in 20 years of scruffy magazines, dirty tapes and now the appalling vista of online filth. Nobody is interested in the F word now. I’d watch a documentary called GEEBAG though.

It’s probably not as bad as that absolute waste of time, energy, air, molecules and the little things smaller than molecules; ‘A complete history of my sexual failures’ but it should be filed beside it in the pretentious, “I’m going to France to see Leonard Cohen live and I’ll read Hunter S Thompson on the plane” folder for idiots who really should know better.

You’re life is ending one shit download at a time. Skip this one and tidy up all the wires under the television.

Cicada Killer Wasp meets Adversary from ACTnow! on Vimeo.

I’m going back to Dublin next week. It’s going to be so hard getting used to wearing real clothes again as for the past three months all I’ve been wearing are boxers. Like a little baby, I get up and shower then but on a pair of snuggy boxers for the day. The last time I went to Dublin was before Christmas and it felt like I was walking underwater or on the moon with the weight of my boots. No I’m looking forward to being back, I really miss the Yorkies with raisins and peanuts. Blue Tack too.

A few weeks ago all my posters just slithered off the wall with the heat. Like they just gave up. I went into town looking for Blue Tack and ended up buying these stupid things called Power Dots that look like contact lenses. Absolutely crap. Power dots my hole.

I’ve been into Jackie Chan for years, happy for him that he finally broke through in the West even though he’s making lame films. The Smith family however have worn out their welcome with me after years or loving Fresh Prince and Men in Black. He’s such a phoney. Listen to him on the Oprah show where he refers to himself not as a person but as a being, about not being an icon but an idea.

(This video is part of 1 of 3)

And then after Karate Kid I put on Anvil.

My girlfriend was too tired to object but I knew if she got past the first 10 minutes she’d love it. What a great documentary, I’ve seen it a couple of times now and it’s emotional and inspirational stuff. I read a review when it first came out saying it had elements of a mockumentary and there definitely a few classic weird moments that you’ll notice the second time around but it’s all for real. You couldn’t fake it. It’s not about metal so don’t worry if you’re not a fan. These lads are the exact opposite of phonies.

I have Catcher in the Rye in Spanish and phoney translates as ‘falsa integral’!

I loved Slime as a kid. Not Ooze, ooze was different, sort of pound shop slime, more runny than gooey. I used to collect the Ghostbuster toys, that slime was the best. I loved the smell. It was like a mixture of Play-doh, Asian sweat and heaven.