Fuck Dublin Bus in the ear. Pack of wankers going on strike. Yes, it discommodes me that I can’t get into work on time but what about all the poor grannies who have to get to the Hospital to have their cyst drained or whatever? It just dumps on any good will we have towards Dublin Bus.

Completely stupid. If they want to strike AND get the public behind them, just operate as usual and don’t take fares. It’s simple as that.

Geebags. Inbred geebags who spit when they talk and watch Fair City while eating a crappy Gateaux cake from the 80’s.

Yes.

A strange topic to bring up here but it needs to said. I’ve been watching it and enjoying it for 3 weeks in a row but when I hear people talk about it I want to slap them.

I’ve found myself watching telly on Sunday nights again and I like the programme. But this is what kills me, their ad libs and wacky stories are rehearsed and contrived and it should be glaringly clear to most people but it’s not. I said it to a bloke I know and he just couldn’t accept it.

The hosts have freely admitted that they rehearse and write their lines and loads of the stunts are phoney. Look at this, the famous Reliant Space Shuttle stunt and it’s fake explosion.

Now again I’m not dumping on the show just the fuckwits who take whats presented on screen as fact and not as the silly but enjoyable pantomime it is. They admitted that this caravan scene was pure fake and it even got a mention on Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipes as a prime example of this kind of shit.

This was described to me by a friend and he was so sucked into the whole thing. It’s worrying, that perfectly normal intelligent people don’t know when they are being played. I don’t think I’m stating the obvious with this one.

Top Gear is now followed by the Long Way Down which is 3 lads on bikes followed by around 500 support people in a convoy behind them and it could do with some of the Top Gear fakery. It’s SHIT!! Where’s the challenge or excitement?

Bring back the Crystal Maze.

Don’t believe the hype.

Around the mid 90’s, Poncho was big into Image Comics. I read more than my fair share of them, Youngblood, Spawn, Savage Dragon etc. They were enjoyable reads but after a while my main reason for getting my paws on any Image title was to see if Rob Liefeld had any work in it. I was already well aware of his weird proportions, stiff composition and ludicrous plagarism but it took Poncho to point this out to me:

Rob Liefeld can’t draw feet.

It soon became an obsession, going through all the back issues , sometimes laughing, sometimes in awe of his ability to structure a frame or a page layout so that the feet are truncated or obscured.There was one classic page where Cable is standing, and everything looks good till your eyes reach his feet where a German Shepherd conveniently sits, a feet blocking German Shepherd. Here’s exhibit 1. Check these, my favourite one is the X-Force cover with Juggernaut, that dodgy looking cloud of yellow smoke rids the artist of any annoying forshortening.

And when he HAD to draw feet, they usually looked like this……….

And his figure drawing sometimes threw away all the rules and invented new ones. Check out the scale of these characters standing beside each other, and that Captain America is just silly looking!

But I honestly admire him. For somebody to reach such heights in any field with an obvious flaw should be admired. And the further I rank in the biz the more I respect him. Yeah, he’s a hack but so am I. If I waited until I was 100% competent before getting into comics, my first published work would be out in 2056. Plus in the recent ‘Liefeld attacks Alan Moore’ scandal I take his side in alot of points. That’s for another day.

So hate Liefeld if you want. But he’s sleeping sound tonight while you shuffle around the comic shops like the scrud that you are, talking about Kevin Smith and wearing some lame t-shirt, pulling the underwear slying out from the crack of your arse and when you get home you sniff your finger and it still smells. And this makes you happy.

We just can’t get enuff of that wonderful stuff we call Poncho around here. Here he is all dressed up for Christmas as a genuinely creepy zomboid. Accompanied by Lana who is dressed as a rape victim.

Smashing.

Swizzles! So two weeks ago we went to the Birmingham International comic show. Flew out early on Saturday and met a shivering and damp Dec at the bus stop, just the way I like him. Finally met Lorcy and we had a natter outside while waiting for the FUCKNUTS at the door to sort out the queues. This was my first big con outside of Ireland.

The highlight of the trip was meeting Hunt Emerson, a long time hero and major influence of mine. I sheepishly gave him a Shiznit and when he cracked it open he sez ‘ Ah….Bob Byrne….I loved your Tequila story’. And at this moment a solid jet of pre-cum scalded my inner thigh as my daddybag constricted into a kiwi fruit. So that’s it folks. I honestly feel that it’s come full circle and I can retire. When your hero accepts you as a peer it just doesn’t get any better.

Yapped with him and Tony Bennett from Knockabout Comics for a while. They had a discreet table in a corner while the rest of the crowd milled past with a boner for Batman and ignored one of the best artists there. I actually cracked one off to one Hunt’s comics before. Bought some original art from him.

Sold a few comics and met some Twisted Tales fans. Met Jonathon and Keith form 2000AD and both are really decent dudes, regret not meeting them for a pint afterwards. But the Irish contingent did have pints. Met Lew Stringer, PJ Holden, Big Jim from Northern Lights and David Ballie, all brilliant and talented men. Me, Dec and Lorcs were out till after 4am slurping and burping.

Streets are so clean you can eat your supper off them………

because they’re sterilised with Lorcan’s piss

Snoozey mc Greaseball lures another victim with a bottle of whiskey

Lorcan prepares to suck a dick as he meets a vision of his future self

Will, Dec and Mooney

The lovely Lisa Jackson and lovelier Stephen Thompson

Comic professionals.

Dec’s version here#

Here’s the rest of Poncho’s gick. Still scannerless. Will probably just take photos of my 24hr comic KGB spy style. Bought a DEADLY new pc but there’s some issue with drivers or something so I can’t install stuff on it. It’s fast though, saved a days work assembling the new Twisted Tales yesterday, lashed through them.

Here’s Ponchy with Luke and Paul; the Next Generation.

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Blazzmow!!! Done the 24 hour comic thing again last Saturday. Stayed from 12 to 10:30 and got 18 pages done then added another page on Sunday. Poncho came along and busted his 24hr cherry. I’ve no scanner at the moment so here’s one of his. Great work considering he hasn’t drawn a comic page in 10 years and is a flaming homosexual. He got 12 pages done in 9ish hours and picked the random titles. I’m both happy and sad that he stopped making comix because when we were kids he was a better artist than me. Your loss fucko!

More soon.
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Following on from a comment about the Teddy Thief’s helmet this week, it reminded me of this. When I was working designing crappy souveniers I would try my best to smuggle in my own secret in-jokes. The red helmet is a Banana Splits helmet and it pops up alot in my comics. The QFLARN on the building blocks was a shout out to my main man Quinner and his insatiable flarn appetite.

My employers never copped any of my messing. They fucked me over by not paying me redundancy because I was just 5 days under the 2 years you need to qualify for it. Pricks. Ah well, I can honestly say I dossed like never before in that job, sometimes just doing 6 hours work per week and just acting the maggot online. Had Call of Duty installed for a while and was into some serious torrent downloading.

I’ll dig out the rest of the stuff, some of it is gold.

Amperduke is finished.

Technically. All done and drawn but I still have to lay it out, do the cover, the chapter breaks, travel back in time, defeat Lord Quarzak, get the ruby crystal, shoot the red barell, the list is endless.

Working on three new Twisted Tales too and they are doooooozies. I’m away (and not working on comix) to Sun Destination X from the 10th to the 24th where I will Salsa dance into the night like the big steamer that I am………

Then on September 29th there’s Subcon or SNUBcon as it should be known, look at the flyer, just squeezed in as an after thought. Jew. Should be a laugh though.

Then me, Deckypoo’s, Will and Mooney are heading over to the big con in Birmingham. Check out the lads sites’. Moondog’s one is new so wipe your feet. I can claim complete and total fabricated responsibilty for all three of their careers, thought them how to draw, how to letter, how to make a hash pipe from a carrot….everything. I wish! Three talented dudes. Well, maybe two.

Then the 20th of October, there’s 24 Hour Comic Day which I’m looking forward to. Poster here

And finally, here’s something from my mate in Slovenia, Domen. He’s looking for artists to draw their rendition of Spiderman and he’ll draw you something in return. Here’s the Comics Space page, yes, there is a Comics Myspace, which I’m not involved with because its EVEN GAYER THAN MYSPACE.

Adding all the links to this post was a massive pain in the hole. Seeya later you big bunch of silly brats.

Love you all dearly,

Tupac lives,

I like the pope cuz the pope smokes dope,

Tracey loves Steno.

Joey is gay,

UB40 rools okay?

Superman S.

Neh, only 6 panels left of Amperduke then all the prepress and the cover. Have 3 new Twisted Tales coming up soon too. Not in the typing mood so here’s a ridiculous picture I made 4 years ago when I had just started Amperduke. It’s mad, it was originally just an excuse to draw crap like this, lego men fighting insects but over the past year or so I see that there is a point to the whole thing with a few underlying messages. Plus it’s full of Lego gore.

Oh yeah, that’s their names. Nechradon and Panzer Meister.