July 23rd, 2007
Fucking humans
Neh, went to see Transformers last night and didn’t really like it. Enough with the fucking humans! I see humans everyday and then when they actually transformed they looked gay. That scene where they’re all hiding in the garden was painful. Up there with the custard pie scene in the original Dawn of the Dead.
I wondered if the Transfomers would talk in it when it was announced to be made. And they do. Prime sounds good but his third or fourth sentence is ‘Oops! My bad’ when he stands ons something. WHAT THE FUCK? Optimus Prime is a father figure to my generation, strong and silent, not some faggy uncle who brings you Walnut Whirls instead of Curly Wurlys.
The design of the mechs is gay too. Loads of lame talking and although the lead dude is entertaining and the script is tight I was confused at some of the pacing. I think I’ll have to watch the whole thing again in slow motion, underwater on smack to take in the intricate effects. Yeah so, in a complete contradictary move the scraps were good. How could they be bad? I thought the scale and the scope of the battles was all wrong though, just didn’t flow right. They seemed intent on keeping the robots completely in shot and it looks stiff.
Ah I’m a grumpy bastard. Been waitng 20 years to see Megatron and Prime in real life so I cant complain.
But the voices and characterisation is gay, too many humans and not enough transformeridge. I bought the Top Trumps 2 weeks ago and was disgusted to see out of the 40 or so cards, around 15 of them robots and the rest were all the supporting human cast. Threw them out.
This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:12 am
once i heard Micheal Bay was directing I knew the whole thing was fucked….I liked some bits [mainly the ones with big ass gaint robbots and no humans which were few and far between] The bit in the garden was painful and at times the autobots acted more like monkies then robots.
I was happy with primes voice mainly cus they got the orginal voice actor from the 80’s cartoon to voice him - but the lines they gave him, uck and Ironhide sounded british at some points and jazz? WTF? Plus the film was just a giant exercise in product placement for Bay and there wasn’t nearly enough starscream.
July 23rd, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Well said. Everyone wants Starscream. It’s almost like it was incidental to the story that there were giant killer robots around. Poor old Megatron gets around 3 mins screentime. Ah well, I got a wank off some kid in the cinema so I win.
July 23rd, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Haven’t seen the flick yet but from what i hear its fair entertaining. Don’t like the designs from what i’ve seen tho. They look needlessly fussy. Prime’s chest should look like a truck, not like a junkyard. I saw a poster at a bus stop the other day. Took me a while before i realised it was Prime’s head
July 23rd, 2007 at 4:02 pm
I agree with everything that says the movie was bad. The decepticons were all buffy the vampirish generic computer generated fare and the story was soppy and weird…it tried to be adult like with its references to whacking off but the idealism spouted off by optimus prime made me go limp.
It made me dizzy and isn’t a good movie to see with a hangover. The robots transform too fast and I kept thinking ‘is this good computer graphics or are they just moving things really fast and blurring stuff’?
Harry Potter ruled, but the ending was a bit unresolved.
July 24th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Haven’t seen it yet, but I’m still stupidly optimistic. I am the target demographic for this movie, spent my childhood worshipping those extended toy ads…. the last time I can remember crying is when my mam gave all my figures away to my young cousin who proceeded to chew all the little guns up… man that shit still hurts…gimme a sec…
July 24th, 2007 at 10:58 am
Ah I feel your pain. One good thing is that they make the do-do-do-dush sound when they transform. I have a copy at home which I’m going to watch again. Agree with Conor’s thought about shit moving too fast, they could have been more clunkier and rigid. Fuck it, we have little to be complaining about.
July 24th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
I saw the trailer and thought it looked excellent… dark and scary… then I went to the film and realised it was more like Small Soldiers than War of the Worlds. I liked Small Soldiers though so I was still happy.
I was never a transformers fan, so I don’t have hang ups about being true to the original or whatever BUT I agree with Conor - when they transformed more thought should have been given to HOW they actually transform rather than just generally morphing them from one thing to another…
July 24th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
For some odd reason (apart from cinema big wigs not liking England, which may be understandable) Transformers isn’t out here until the weekend, planning to see it and the simpsons on the same day.
I had a sort of geeky question (from the trailer) about mass and size, the yellow car not only transforms but seems to grow in size, so if it’s huge is there not a finite amount of mass in the car structure to begin with, it might be huge but has the strength of tinfoil? or do the extra workings come from a parallel dimension like when Hell Angel/Dark Angel pulls all the guns and stuff out of her guts in Marvel UK’s Overkill? Or is all superstrongmadeupanium (c)
will the dinobots be in the sequel?
will someone make a shitty gobots movie now?
July 24th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
We are all glossing over the fact that Bob got a wank off a kid in the cinema. Havent seen the film yet but am still dying to see it. Character design does look iffy though
July 25th, 2007 at 3:12 am
ah for fuck sake..ive been dying te see the aul transormers movie and now yiz are all saying its pure poop..bollox! i got half a boner and that feelin jus before ye take a shite[ye know that good feelin ye get..not the one after when ye feel violated] when i seen the trailer.it looked fuckin whopper..everythings a fuckin letdown these days..cunts! ah well..at least there’s rambo 4 to look forward to.
July 26th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Bob sez - “the script is tight”
The script’s a disaster - it’s about as tight as me Ma.
Whole movie’s a shambles - even the scene with Bumblebee pissing all over Jesus from the Big Lebowski couldn’t save it.
Trying nt to get to pissed and ranty cause in two years We’ll have Transformers 2 which can only be worse than this 3 hour shit fuck
July 27th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Jesus guys it wasn’t that bad, i wasn’t expecting much but really enjoyed it, Peter Cullen growling through primes lines was the bizz and every kid in the place was buzzin…. at the end of the day it is a movie for kids,
big and small.
could have been an awful lot worse.
July 29th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
when are you people going to learn that EVERY film is shit nowadays..
July 29th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
I hated the movie. As I said in the review of the movie on my blog: “the cinematic equivalent of being raped by a bus.”
Michael Bay is a shite director. He has no comprehension of pacing, dramatic tension, character arc or resolution. The scraps were sporadically entertaing but that is primarily down to the FX team. Not Bay.
A turd directed by a bigger turd.
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:26 pm
ok a little late in the day but i just read this strip and it pretty much summed up the whole movie for me
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=241
August 7th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
HA! Excellent find my dear!
Yep, everything is shit these days but I really had such high hopes about it. Come on, it’s Trans-fucking-Formers!!! How did it turn out so shit? Poncho walked out at the garden scene.