September 5th, 2008
Punched in the head by old man
My Grandad has been ill the past few months and I visit him in the hospital as much as I can. He’s sort of the inspiration for Mr Amperduke, a remarkable man full of all kinds of crazy knowledge and stories. I was up with him a few weeks ago and one of the other old men on the ward socked me in the head. It was hilarious! It took him around 5 minutes of shuffling as stealthly as he could to get around behind me, he stands there for around a minute and then POOF, the frailest punch in the history of gaylords.
His hands are like rotten plums and it felt like a flick. Ah the poor old clown, he must feel anger that he doesn’t get as many visits. Apparently this man has Alzheimer’s and wanders around with his lad hanging out. My Grandad is mentally as sharp as a tack so he’s just as disturbed as me by all this.
The whole hospitalisation episode has really made me think about things, I whinge with my back pain and erectile dysfunctions but compared to an 85 year old I’m Mr Universe. We all are. To be young and relatively healthy is a wonderful thing so get busy living. And when you’re old you get to punch young people in the fokkin head innit?
September 5th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
First it’s children, then old men. Soon disabled black lesbians from ethnic minorities will be having a go. Resist the natural instinct to hit back and channel your energy into something creative…
Scientists have proven that creative wanking is 95%. Old men being raped by leather clad donkies.
I feel relieved now.
September 5th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Yeah everybody hates me. That swastika shaped birthmark on my forehead will be the death of me
September 6th, 2008 at 2:47 am
Bob, I’d be careful if i were you, at this rate if you tell us about any more people who’ve hit you we’ll start assuming it’s the Byrne equivalent of saying hello….could be risky for your next comic launch, I tell ya.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:18 am
he only faked the alzheimers,hes actually a psychopath.
September 6th, 2008 at 6:32 am
you really must be giving off some weird “HIT ME” vibe or people just get very angry looking at you for some reason.
Both my granparents [my mums parents] are in their late 80’s and they still play at least two 18 hold rounds of golf a week each - they really put me to shame.
September 6th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Moondance.Why do shit “entertainers” feel the need to repeatedly mangle and rape that song on every ferry I`ve ever been on to England and France?
September 7th, 2008 at 11:22 am
hehe excellent stuff, I’ve been singing that daddybag song out loud when walking around town, it does get strange looks you should do an anthology collection called ‘Bob Bryne’s Greatest Hits’ documenting the various ways people have a pop at you !
September 7th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Hey peeps, the young and infirm definitely love me. Maybe because I’m so damn manly they feel they can unload on me.
September 7th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
“they feel they can unload on me”
You still trying to earn more gaypoints or something Bob? Because, well, a very specific kind of manliness comes to mind when you’re talking about an old fella with his lad hanging out for all to see hits you round the head to unload on you….
September 7th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
yeah Bob,”unload on me” was probably the wrong choice of words.
September 8th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Unload, drop a batch, shoot goo, s’all good to me. Hey if an old man wants to sprinkle globes of scalding hot sha na na on me it doesn’t make me gay.