May 30th, 2008
The men who dress as Stormtroopers
A few weeks ago I was at the Bristol comic convention. There was a group of 5 lads dressed as Stormtroopers from Star Wars. They looked the part and I was amused to see that they had the voice changer things so they sounded like in the films. But I’m a grown man and the amusement wore off after about 20 seconds.
I thought nothing more about them, well except how hot the must be in the costumes because it was a scorcher of a day. They hung around outside and gladly posed for photos with children and idiots. But when I was off having something to eat AWAY from the convention centre, they entered the outside cafe area and tried to jovially intimidate the customers.
People who were just sitting there and nothing to do with the convention. I began to realise that dressing up as a Stormtrooper and traveling in numbers was their thing, their reason for living, their highlight of the year…their chance to escape.
It reminds me of the song Halloween by the Dead Kennedys. ‘…Tomorrow your mold goes back on’. They were getting increasingly pushy as the day went on and by Sunday I saw one of them being shouted by a girl who got a hand on her arse while she was getting her photo taken with them. She demanded he take off his helmet but of course he just stared back from inside his smelly mask with the biggest boner of his life digging into his leg. He felt invincible and powerful.
But he’s not. He’s a 35 year old IT loser who beats it to Babylon 5. Dressing up as a Stormtrooper is a bit of fun but dressing up for the whole weekend and living out your repressed fantasies is gay. I’m off another con next week, the 2d festival and there’ll be Stormtroopers apparently. I can promise you that I will clothesline the first one that gives me lip.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Star wars was, is and should only be for kids. Seeing the Phantom Menace in the Savoy in town and hearing Anakin say oops! over and over as the laziest catchphrase ever was the day i grew up. (the last star wars was good though.)
that stormtroopers mob mentality is the stuff dictatorships are made of.
And i’ll never forget that Dead kennedys album (who i’d never heard of until the noughties)…halloween is deadly, what track has punch the clock you outta punch your boss? Fucking great stuff.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Still my favourite band ever. That track is ‘Well paid scientist’. I’ve listened to that album CONSTANTLY for 16 years. Constantly.
May 31st, 2008 at 1:24 am
Funny you should mention the invasion of the cafe bob, I saw the same thing on the sunday and thought it was poor form too. Mind you, on the Sunday there were a bunch of barely-pubescent cosplaying retards running around screaming and generally being a pain in the arse - they ended up running straight into the gang of stormtroopers and promptly got told to shut the fuck up, which was quite funny to see. But if it takes a cosplayer to make you look like you’re not the biggest nerd around, you’re in trouble really…
(Personally I like Give me convenience or give me death the most, but then it’s the first Kennedys album I heard…)
May 31st, 2008 at 2:12 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_hMnT44Et
Its very pointless but me and luke found this hilariously disturbing video on youtube. Dont ask us how we got it
May 31st, 2008 at 7:13 am
Well, I’ll have a Stormtrooped anyday over some bearded fatass fuck dressed up as his favourite manga heroine. And there ARE people like that.
BTW, I can never get enough of your awesome handwriting (”wanker inside”).
May 31st, 2008 at 8:45 am
I’ll never forget the unmitigated dissappointment that was The Star Wars Power of Myth Experience at the RDS. I watched as some guy in a Darth Vader suit walked around a stage as they played Vader quotes from the movie. I stared on as some balloon reading from a crumbled sheet said “Now imagine we’re all on the planet Naboo with lush trees and fauna. Imagine the sun blotted out as a Starfighter lands before our eyes.” Que a life-size Starfighter to be wenched down at a speed that presumably was trying to capture live slow-motion. My eyelids fought to close as some bullshit mythology lecture about how Luke was clearly the Norse God of Stars and Wookies was fed to me. And finally my jaw didn’t bother to drop as it had seen this one coming - the “toys, memorabilia and merchandise room” was nought but a table selling over-priced Phantom Menace Lego. As I left the RDS that day I could be heard to whisper “. . . Fuck you George Lucas. Fuck you. . .”
The best bit of the vid below is when the guy dressed up as Vader says “This is my chest panel.” Triumph: “Oh yeah? Which of these buttons calls your parents to pick you up?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpJu2-QyP2M
May 31st, 2008 at 10:01 am
Why would you want to dress up as a Stormtrooper? They were shit. Bad shots with malleable little pea brains. “These are not the droids we’re looking for”. What a bunch of dopes.
May 31st, 2008 at 2:58 pm
awwwww don’t slag the stormtroopers - I love those guys. bunch of them walked me back to my table from the shop after I got trapped by a bunch of those idoit cosplay kids. At least the stormtrooper guys are doing it for money, the 12 year old cosplayers are just doing it to be annoying…..or at least thats what I’m assuming is their motivation for dressing like twats [and lets not forgot the rather unsettling image of all the old guys getting the 12 year old cosplay kids to dance for them while they recorded it]
I’m waiting for a big round number birthday like 30 to hire 5 storimtroppers to follow me around for the day - I’d rather enjoy going to Langtons and having the stormtroppers beat the shit out of all the annoying stag parties in there and making some room on the dance floor were people could actually fucking dance for a change.
May 31st, 2008 at 2:59 pm
also if you thought going into the cafe was bad you should have been at the opening night session on the friday were they were standing out on the road banging on the windows of cars stopped at the traffic lights.
May 31st, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I am waiting for the day when a stormtrooper ends up on crimecall although he’ll probably just be given a slap on the wrist by ann cassin and laughed at for being a twat anyway.
May 31st, 2008 at 9:06 pm
i remember at the dublin con john mccrea was asked to do a sketch with somthing to do with his favourite band/song and so an energetic sketch of d.k`s “nazi punks fuck off” followed,clearly to the horror of some unfortunate mammy who happened to walk by at that time with two five year olds.
I nearly crapped myself with laughter at the look on her face!
oh and feck those stormtrooper dress-up weirdos.they`re the reason the average person won`t walk into a comic shop.
and I`ll see you at the 2d thing.I`ll be in my stormtrooper suit!
June 1st, 2008 at 9:29 am
haha star wars is fucked good aul bobby bynre clothesline dat overgrown dress up playing gobshite
June 1st, 2008 at 9:18 pm
oh and feck those stormtrooper dress-up weirdos.they`re the reason the average person won`t walk into a comic shop.
I dunno luke, I think a lot of the reason the average joe won’t walk into a comic shop is related to the sheer number of spandex fanboys who think it’s normal to expect people to know which back issue Barry Allen kicked the bucket in, and how many different suits of armour Iron Man has worn in the past….
I still reckon the storm-troopers are better than the little cosplayer bastards; a lot of people at the Bristol con seemed to get a kick out of seeing them wandering outside around the queue and posing with people for pictures and stuff….
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:06 am
that`s true,now you mention it,Kyle.I`ve been going to comic shops for quite a while now and I still dread the fanboys.
what`s a “cosplayer”?(sorry if that seems like a really stupid question…)
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:07 am
From Wikipedia
Cosplay (コスプレ, kosupure?), short for “costume play”,[1] is a subculture centered on dressing as characters from manga, anime, tokusatsu, and video games, and, less commonly, Japanese live action television shows, fantasy movies, Japanese pop music bands, Visual Kei, fantasy music stories (such as stories by the band Sound Horizon), novels, and anything in the real world being unique and dramatic (or their moe anthropomorphic form). However, in some circles, “cosplay” has been expanded to mean simply wearing a costume.
Basically “super” fanboys but gayer
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:37 am
Well, technically people who dress up as their favourite manga or anime characters. I hope you know what those are, right?
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
luke if you want a good laugh go to youtube and look up either transformers cosplay or furry cosplay…….wait actually don’t look up furries you’ll be damaged for life
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:07 am
Ah I see now…
but who would bother to go to cons to dress up and be a wanker?
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:38 am
Because they love getting photos taken of their half-assed costumes that take a huge fortune out of their wallet to make and only wear the odd time a convention is on in the year. That’s why.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:22 am
-quitely shoves Indy outfit under the coffee table-
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:09 am
cosplay can be great at the right type of con - anime cons tend to have an area focused on them [far, far away from the dealer tables]. They’ll have cosplay parades and contests and a ball or dance session with some random J-pop singer/band and it can be fun. The idea of wearing cosplay to con where all thats going on is a dealer room and panels is a bit confusing. The Bristol con gets too many of them cus, as far as I can recall, they either get a discount ticket or get in free if they are in cosplay. I’m pretty sure they are wankers regardless of wither they are in costume or not - the costume just makes them think its ok for them to be wankers.
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Well I think the cosplay kids are harmless and generally entertaining. They’re having fun. But these Stormtrooper fucknuts…it’s some weird power trip for them. I don’t think it’s a paying gig either. They’re all fags. And let’s all hope we get prime youtube footage of one of them getting floored then trying to get back up like a turtle on it’s back
Liam, that Star Wars thing sounds horrible! When was that?
Mooney your Indiana Jones costume is deadly. We just need Dec to dress as the little chinky lad out of the first film or as a big boulder to chase you down the street.
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
I was at a sci-fi con last year with loads of kids doing the cosplay thing and that was fine, they had a series of events for them including some sort of best costume competition and an area set aside just for them. There were some great costumes there actually, I was particularly impressed with someone who’d made themselves a Starscream outfit including moving wings.
At Bristol it seemed that the cosplay kids were basically one step up from five-year-olds with face paints. Great that they’re having fun, but not if that means them running around in the middle of the dealer hall making pukeing noises and generally being annoying little wankers. (Mind you, they were only really given a corner of the hall to use as their space so it’s not entirely surprising). The people with “proper” costumes seemed less concerned with acting the twat though - like the two girls in the catwoman/ batgirl outfits, or the teenage girl working at one of the stalls dressed in a very creepy looking Electra outfit. Or the Stormtrooper guys, for that matter.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
The Power of the Myth thing was about ten years ago. I found this old press release for it:
“The show, presented by Kellogg’s as part of a pan-European promotion that features Episode I: The Phantom Menace on cereal packaging and in-pack premiums, combines the elements of a museum exhibit, rock ‘n’ roll tour, stage show, arcade and shopping trip in a 20,000 square-foot multi-story exhibit space that employs the latest lighting, sound and other effects equipment.”
It really was horrible.
August 27th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Mmm…clothesline eh? Next time I might be there - bring it on mate!
August 28th, 2008 at 8:31 am
I can see how a few idiots can ruin the fun for the rest of the people but don’t tar all the stormtrooper costumers with the same brush.
Anyone dressed up at a convention can act like a dick if their face is covered, not just stormtroopers.
As for “35 year old IT loser who beats it to Babylon 5″, uh, you’re at a comic convention, that stereotype outnumbers the rest of the attendees surely?
Oh, and I also happen to know quite a few girls who dress as troopers..
September 19th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Hey man, not all stormtroopers are dicks. I dress up as a stormtrooper and am a proud member of the 501st. We do alot of charity work, and entertain thousands of people. A lot of us are just normal guys, doctors, cops, teachers, who have a love for star wars. Its no different than painting yourself up for your favorite football team. Sorry to hear the ones you ran into were rude, not all of us are
September 21st, 2008 at 7:30 am
Oh goodness I could not agree with you more. I hate those geeks that actually get all dressed up into a costume. How lame is that and they have to look like the picture you have on here too…considering how hot it is in a costume like that they are doomed for zits! Nice post!
September 25th, 2008 at 12:03 am
When is the last time you visited a hospital of sick kids?
How about a charity walk? Bring any attention to a cause other than yourself?
I am glad to have the helmet, for a grown man with tears from the kids that see us as live action heros would make them sad.
We do that in armor. There might be a few bad eggs… ones that abuse the costume, but for the most part we do this for things bigger than us.
Cons are a way of letting off steam with like minded people.
If its so dorky, Why did you go? Hmm…
September 25th, 2008 at 5:38 am
I’m also a proud member of the 501st and am sorry those you encountered were such arseholes - most of us aren’t, and our organisation’s charter has rules that should have been observed at that convention.
- Dai, 32 and who never whacked off to Babylon 5 as internet porn is far too readily available.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Hey lads, yes, as I said the idiots that I encountered were harassing me and normal people AWAY from the convention. I have no problem with people dressing up and recreating battles or whatever but when they start acting the prick with people it’s shameful.
Anyway, it has been conclusively proven that Star Wars is shit with the release of that cartoon thing. The jokes on us, what a piece of shit sell out slap in the face to all the kids like me who grew up on the films.
I go to comic conventions to sell comics you ninny.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
USA…there are bad apples who spoil the fun for every group. For the most part, the 501st folks behave while in uniform. With all of the Recasters, plastic uniforms are more readily available to anyone with the cash including arseholes. It isn’t all about the Star Wars films either. It is about doing something off the mundane and letting the more playful side of our nature out when we are not doing our work a day jobs. Many of the folks who build their own costumes are artisans who put a lot of pride in their work. Most TK’s have other costumes from SW and other media that they have either built from scratch or have worked with others to put together because it is fun to play a character and to entertain children and adults.
Sorry you have had such negative exposure to costumed characters, but if you don’t like or respect those who do, perhaps you shouldn’t go to cons. If it is all about just selling the comics, perhaps it is you that we don’t like….the greedy capitalist pigs.
October 10th, 2008 at 6:21 am
There is never an excuse to act like a jackass in public, and I agree with you that what those stormtroopers did was wrong. Having said that there is no need to pick on Star Wars fans as a whole. Those were five guys, in reality the 501st is made up of over 3,000 people. The truth is most fans of the movies buy the armor for conventions and charity work and make no money off their armor. As a huge Star Wars fan I love what the 501st dose and see nothing wrong with enjoying a hobby that most people would agree is pretty cool. I am sorry that you experienced that but I would urge you to be open minded and less judgmental of anyone who enjoys dressing up a as Star Wars characters in the future. And for those of who would call 501st members names or make fun of people who pursue a hobby they enjoy, I would just like to say that not only do you sound immature but you also sound a lot like a “arsehole” yourself.
October 10th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
To be honest I’m just skimming these comments now because they’re too long and I don’t care anymore. You dum dums.
October 11th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Matt,
HAHAHH HAHAHAHHA HAHA YOU ARE A LOSER !!!!
October 12th, 2008 at 1:16 am
I read this and I am ashamed that a few Stormtroopers can ruin the fun. I am a member of the 501st and I dress in Stormtrooper gear and like it was said above entertain the people, do charity work and so much more. To see a child smile makes it all worth the while.
It is all ways a shame that a few bad apples can ruin the bunch. Please do not think this is how all the people who dress up in armor act and behave. I will admit there are those who go to far and act like asses but there are those who do it for the fun of it and to make a child young or old smile and have a good time.
October 13th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
“Hey man, not all stormtroopers are dicks.”
Taken out of context, quite possibly one of the funniest sentences ever.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:57 am
Bob Byrne - I’ll keep this short so you can follow.
Go fuck yourself.
November 10th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Ah go watch Heroes or Doctor Who and relax.
Listen, we ALL grew up loving Star Wars and we all wanted to be Boba Fett. Grown men dressing up as a group of Stormtroopers and bullying people anonymously is a textbook case of….I don’t know…being a chode.