April 18th, 2008
The Polish are eating all the Pike
I’m reading Collapse by Jared Diamond, it’s about why societies collapse and it’s good stuff. I’m fascinated with the world ending. It’s a crazy subject.
There’s a chapter on Easter Island and he asks ‘What were the two guys who were chopping down the final tree saying to each other?’. I can’t stop thinking about that.
There are many reasons why societies choose to fail including the introduction foreign species of animals and plants, I’ve always loved the idea that one small insect can fuck up the entire food chain of an ecosystem. There’s a Groo story where he keeps introducing new animals to eat the vermin but they eat the native animals too so he introduces a bigger one to eat the other ones and so on. Ecosystems are delicate little things and can collapse rapidly. This brings me to a subject dear to my heart, Polish people eating all of our pike.
The massive influx of Polish and East Europeans has brought many changes to Ireland, stone washed jeans are everywhere, weird Polish food has crept into the shops, good looking girls work behind the counter in Spar and shout ‘CUT IN HALF??!!!’ when they make my roll but a serious effect has been the declining pike stocks.
My Dad lives for Pike. Heh, years ago when the internet was new we were putting in things like ‘looking for pike in Dublin’ into search engines not realising that this was paedophile lingo. All his post (Pike and fishing magazines) was opened and tampered with before coming through our letterbox. Funny but scary. And did he stop molesting kids? Of course he did.
Big into Pike. I’m a fair weather fisherman, even a little scared of putting the waders on and catching a big one. They are nasty bastards, they eat everything, they’re just a torpedo shaped mouth that sits happily on top of the food chain. A worthy opponent compared to all the other faggy fish in a lake
The whole idea is to catch them, weigh them, take their picture and then pat them on the bum as you release them back into the lake. But the East Europeans don’t return them. They eat them. Pike is a ‘delicacy’ to them. What? Is all the crap in ALDI not good enough for you, you hungry bastards? It’s wrong, the word on the lake is that numbers are really down over the past couple of years. So cause and effect. The introduction of a bigger predator has messed with the food chain. It’s sad really.
So is this the collapse of society? No, not yet. When the next generation of kids don’t know what a Smurf is, then it’s time to start worrying.
April 18th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Wahey! good to see the illustrated rants back. Man, I hear you about the ‘CUT IN HALF’ when they make your roll. And you’re too late, THIS generation doesn’t know what smurfs are.
Have no interest in pikes but it’s interesting to hear
April 18th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Great post Bob but old news - i remember a fisherman friend of mine two years ago in Blessington spitting a surprising amount of racist venom about the problem. Good looking girls who think you’re all exotic for eating a breakfast roll can only be good tho but cutting your roll in half is fucked up Bob, fucked da hell up you sick puppy.
April 18th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
It brings out the racist in me I’m afraid to say. I love slagging Polish and I wish I had a Polish friend so I could say ‘ but I have a Polish friend!’ and get away with more. Sort of like having a gay friend. Like you.
My Dad is freaked out about it. And rightly so, imagine they ate, say, Call of Duty on us…..
April 18th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Don’t get me started. I was at the Olympics once and I went up to this guy and said ‘Excuse me, are you a Pole Vaulter?’ He said, ‘No, I’m a German and how did you know my name was Vaulter?’ © B. Connolly, Glasgow.
April 19th, 2008 at 12:48 am
i loved looking back at the old illustrated ones.
heh-heh “looking for pike in dublin”
i do admit i had that kind of liberal “er…” when reading this post and then i realised you`re talking about pike for feck sake!
i love the old-styley cock and balls on that pike,by the way
April 19th, 2008 at 3:03 am
Dont get me started or I’ll be in Mcdonalds all night
April 19th, 2008 at 7:55 am
fuckers are eating all the swans too. yep hopefully when the bubble bursts here they’ll all fuck off home and let us fish again….
it happened in England in the late 80’s and their stocks recovered…
April 21st, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Jim: I don’t credit that joke to Billy Connolly, I read it in Budd Schulberg’s memoirs and it was in the 1930’s. Shit jokes are timelessly shit I suppose.
Luke: Old timey cock and balls rule; I saw a very stylised and sleek mickey sprayed on a wall the other day, the kids are being exposed to proper porn schlongs with angular bell ends. It’s the end of society really.
Da: you are a maniac
Collie: I was going to predict your comment and keep it in a sealed envelope with my solicitor because I KNEW you’d get in the ‘all fuck off home’ line! Collie is a pike fiend everybody
April 24th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Stop whining dude , pike taste great! , i also like to catch and eat em. here in holland people cant stop whining about eating fish. In Ireland it isent any different i see.
But i think it is hypocrite since they also eat fish from the market. Where does that fish come from? Out of the air? I am a panfisher, i am not taking every pike ,perch of zander but when i am in the mood and the pike has a legal size then i will take it for dinner.
Here in Holland we have a system , you pay for a licence every year and the government puts new small fish in the waters. If you leave the small fish in the water then there cant go anything wrong.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Not taking your catch home is a bit hard a concept to understand for a lot of Poles. Dad goes fishing with the boys and if they come back home empty handed it’s a masculine failure on some level. No supper? Keep in mind pikes are predators, that symbolically adds to the victory if you catch one. They’re possibly tasty, but I don’t remember.
Legally, there are legal minimum dimensions for the fish you can take with you in Poland and seasonal bans on certain species. You need a license too.
The problem with us Poles is that Poles are smarter than anyone else in the universe. Ask any Pole. We always know better*. It is as irritating for me as it is for you believe me. Or even more, because I understand Polish.
A lot of Poles here are just clueless and will learn if you tell them how it works here. But there are a few of my compatriots who are inconsiderate feckers and will not adjust to the rules when they go visit a nice place, ie. they will eat the fish they catch in countries where you only eat the fish you buy. They just know better: caught fish is to be eaten.
But there is hope. Lots of Poles moved to Ireland not only to make better money, but because they were sick of living in their home country (for a bunch of reasons). They simply like it here and tend to adjust the ones who are trying to make a small Poland for themselves here.
Regarding swans:
1. Swans aren’t considered saint in Poland, like they are in Ireland & UK, so we find the whole hoopla about someone possibly eating them funny. They’re prettier geese basically, and poultry aren’t the smartest of birds out there (mind that white eagle is the national emblem of Poland). OK, much prettier geese. Probably edible, but who cares? I bet Polish indifference to these stories is the extra shocking part.
2. Actually eating them swans by Poles sounds funny, because it’s just totally unlikely. Even if there was such case, it must’ve been isolated or falsely linked to Poles. Or who cares.
If a Pole can’t understand the swan problem, ask him if he’d eat an eagle or a stork. That might help them picture what kind of issue it is on these islands.
* “Why, if you’re so smart, isn’t your country rich?” - you can ask Poles who get on your nerves. I wonder what they’d answer myself..
May 7th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
@collieennis
No, they don’t eat swans. fucker. And it didn’t happen in England in the late 80’s - they weren’t in the EU at that time. This piece of shit ye call yer brain absorbed too much tabloid bullshit.
May 10th, 2008 at 9:07 am
So how about that trout eh? Good stuff.