And Lo, it came to pass that I was skimming through one of Hayley's shit celebrity gossip mags when I saw Jordan's blind baby Harvey, standing tall between her and Peter Andre. I'll dig it out and scan it. It's an iconic image, a caricature of a cartoon page 3 idiot and a has-been popstar made good with their perfect showbiz image struggling to hold up what looks like a cute Garbage Pail Kid with googly cookie monster eyes. Poor kid.

Leafing through 'Hello' and 'Heat' etc, with all the beautiful people and the surgically enhanced bitches who still have to get photoshopped, the image of poor lil Harvey doesn't sit right. He has some growth hormone problem and he's blind and generally not in good health but apart from the comedic value of seeing an over sized disabled black kid gatecrash a glossy and make his mother's apperance look even more removed from reality, he serves as a grim reminder of the effects of the exact same lifestyle that these mags celebrate. A bastard son of celebrity.

Apparently though his condition is not thought to be a result of the stupid sluts intake of booze during pregnancy, maybe just Karma. I feel for the poor kid but still can't help feel schadenfreude that now the leading showbiz couple who are probably singlehandedly responsible for the alarming rate of fake tan use and abuse, have this millstone around their necks.

Harvey will die, and we'll read about it. Then we'll read about the exclusive interviews. How will his parents honour him? Eric Clapton wrote a sweet song about his kid that died, Bono wrote 'Vertigo' about the gay dude that died while he was commiting anal atrocities on him but what're Jordan and Andre going to do? Get her tits out? Is he going to sing under a waterfall with his abs all shiny? Fuck it i've ran out of steam