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Clamnuts

Friday, October 21, 2005

You can beat an egg

Sweet suffering fuck check out http://www.masturbation-techniques.net/maletech.html
for some nutty wank tips

Back in my day there was a hand, a dick and in some cases the much talked about jar of warm liver but these boys want you to stick your flute into a bag of honey while rubbing your hole with
a toothbrush.

There's too many silly ones to pick from but here's a few.

Toothpaste Lube Body: Cover your balls and erect penis in tooth paste. wait for about 30 seconds and you will start to feel a burning sensation (good sensation) slowly start to jack off. This also works with opposite sex, it equals truly orgasmic sex.

Burning Sock of Heaven: First get a full erection. Than place a sock over your hard cock. Put your hands on ether of the head of the penis and rub like an Indian would make a fire. Serious orgasm. The sock protects from a mess

Wall Climber: Go into a bathroom or closet or some kind of small area and lay on the ground. Put your feet and legs on the wall so your body is in an L position and masturbate normally put when you are "almost there" use you legs to climb the wall and continue to jack off until you cum.

I can see where the first two are cumming from (geddit?) but The Wall Climber? You'd end up
jizzing all over yourself and falling asleep in an L shape on the bathroom floor.

Years ago, when Utopia just opened on Capel St I bought the cheapest Blow up doll thay had.
It didn't even have any holes but it was roughly woman shaped so i thought I'd give it ago. I blew her up, put her in to my bed and went for a piss. I came back and when I saw this 'person'
in my bed I nearly had a heart attack. Seriously, my heart stopped for a few ticks with the shock. I threw her out and resumed it old style. And it was great.

Maybe that could be a new technique: " The Premature Heart Attack"

You can beat an egg.
You can't beat a wank.

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