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Clamnuts

Friday, August 11, 2006

I hate air fresheners, love homemade flame throwers

I can tolerate the handheld aerosols as they are genuinely useful when used in moderation. Moderation is the key. These ones that plug into your wall or sit concealed while constantly releasing their stink are as repugnant as fake tan. It’s just wrong.

Digressing slightly, I was a big fan of the aerosol flame thrower. Couldn’t resist it for a while, any chance I could get I’d shoot off a jet and spark it The thrill of it possibly exploding in your hand as the nozzle caught fire just sealed the deal for me. Even robbed a retort stand from school with the vague intention of making a dedicated flame thrower with two cheap remote control cars and a zippo. Also tried to make a revolver from a replica, a toy gun and a bunch of .22’s that are still hidden in my Da’s attic. But that’s one I only tell when I have nothing to lose.


Within the first few months of going out with Hayley, we were sitting up in my room and I spotted a new can of deodorant, I grabbed it, shook it and FWOOMF! The fucking thing shoots out a flame the length of the room just missing her. I was expecting 24 inches max. Haven’t done it since. She didn’t know me well enough then to give a royal bollicking as I’d get now, if I walk on the new carpet without taking off my shoes and genuflecting I get tore out of it.

Air fresheners and this new one 3volution (separate rant for that) can’t be good for a house with small kids/babies, just because it smells nice, anything aerosol has to be bad. Besides the many chemicals used to create the scent, surely the propellant is lethal. But getting back to them as a concept, having a device plugged into your wall constantly sending out a fake smell is just wrong. It’s intrusive, weird and phoney. Back in my day all houses smelled like mashed potato except The Finegans house which smelt of wee wee.

Ah I can’t think of what I mean to say on this one. I’ll do a second part some other time, the flame thrower bit was good though.

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7 Comments:

Anonymous said...

goddam im gonna have to make that little bastard car.

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Anonymous said...

it wasnt just mashed potato, there was also old cabbage!

-p

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