One Neck Hates You is the work of Edinburgh based illustrator and cartoonist Iain Laurie.When not working on his childish, seedy little drawings he enjoys hailing the Chevy Chase film "Fletch" as the greatest film of all time and solving crimes with a supernatural element.

His work is a crazy mixture of eh...crazy...mixed up....crazyness. Just read the fucking interview
and look at the pictures.


Bob: Do you use water colours or those swanky letraset pens to get those fucktacular colours in your work?

Iain:Fucktacular colours dont come cheap!I use pantone pens which are great but a total rip off at £3 or £4 per pen.Art shop Nazi Mafia!I would like to use watercolours more,and have been fannying about with them recently, so stay tuned!

Do you think using a computer to letter and colour comics is cheating?

Hmm.Cheating is harsh, because I guess they do make stuff look more professional, if thats your thing. It isnt really mine. I prefer the scrappy look. Plus I think colouring and lettering are as much part of the overall look as the drawing. All of them should reflect the personality of the artist.So if your a professional you should use the computer. Thankfully, I am very,very far from professional.

Alot of the stuff on your site is just one page/single panel gags, any plans for longer comics?

Definitley.Most of my ideas work as a single gag, but Ive been trying to develop longer stuff.Im redrawing the "Working Stiff" strip on the site for a small press anthology in the U.S and Im having fun with that, so I may do a longer version or as an ongoing strip. Theres another strip on the site called "Martin Bryant" and I'd live to develop that too.


I'm probably the last person in the world who should be inquiring about weird names but please explain 'one neck hates you'.

Its a line from a comic I read years ago, although im probably paraphrasing it. The line was something like "I wish all the scum in the world was one neck and I had my hands around it". It might be from Watchmen?Anyway the hates you bit I added in because I couldnt register http://www.oneneck.com/. I think some weird moisturiser company had it. Damn them!

Yeah I know what you mean, I originally wanted www.clams.com but it was taken so I added
nut to the end and clamnuts was born.

What was the last album you bought/illegaly downloaded?

I just procured two albums that i really enjoyed. I liked the Clap Hands Say Yeah album.Tommy who designs my site is good at getting ahold of bands I've never heard off and he put me onto them.I also loved the MF Doom/Dangermouse collaboration "The Mouse and The Mask".Its been a while since I liked a hip-hop cd that much. Also just got the new Tortoise cd which was good.

How did you find about the truth about Santa?

I should do a comedy answer here, but it still hurts. I think I was 6 and i got told by a kid at school.I questioned my Mum and she told me that Santa wasnt real. It killed me. I think my Mum was pretty relieved as I had asked for lots of obscure X-Men and Dr Strange comics that year.That was probably the last time I let life lie to me...


What was the last thing you stole?

I recently stole the dignity of an old homeless man, which sustained my vampiric needs. I also went through a two day crime spree of not paying for my lunch in the canteen at my part time job. Came to about £6 overall. I really stuck it to the man there.

Even when you have the house to yourself do still lock the bathroom door?

Always, because even when the house is empty, "they" might be hiding, waiting to pounce.

What's your favourite blog and/or webcomic?

Apart from Clamnuts?I dont really have a favourite webcomic. I tend to check out sites by artists that I like, like Jim Mahfoods site for example which I love. There are a few blogs that I check out but they are mostly mates blogs, like Talking Pish,Heavy Sedation and Gaseous Brain.One of my mates Colan is putting together a blog called Gods Toybox which I think when its up and running will change the world.

Ever crack one off the wrist in the workplace?

I havent, which is weird as the general aroma of fear, despair and broken dreams would make it and ideal place to spit Casper.I'll have to have a shot in 2006.

What was the worst film you've seen this year?

Probably The Fantastic Four.It was dreadfull.Mind you,the worst film of this-or any year-was a film that was released in 2005 called "Process". Avoid. It seriously made me want to die.

Gimme a caption for the attached pic:



I told you to keep Herbe Villechaize off the ketamine, but you wouldn't listen would you?You never do!

Who'd win a fight between Morcambe & Wise and the Two Ronnies?

Tough one, as both Ernie Wise and Ronnie Corbett have that "psycho in the pub" glint in their eyes. You know once they started punching you, they wouldnt stop.Mind you, Barker and Morecambe would probably screw you up worse and torment you like the guy out of "Saw". Overall I think Morecambe and Wise would win.

Me too. Do you buy comics? Which ones?

I dont buy as much as I used to, but I try and pick up anything that Clowes,Bagge and Charles Burns do.Mike Allred too. The last comics I read that I loved were "The Walking Dead",John Porcellino's "King Cat" and Chris Wares "Jimmy Corrigan". I'm not snobby about the superhero stuff, either. I love Mark Millar,Grant Morrison and Alan Moore. "The Ultimates" is a great fun read.

Yeah the Ultimates are deadly. Ever been to Ireland?

Only when I was wee, to Newry. It was cool. I have family over there and I really should visit again. I am very, very lazy when it comes to leaving the house.

Describe GW Bush in three words:

Ooh..so many words.I can do the the usual "right wing puppet" or just go for "odious little fuck". I'll go with the latter. Odious Little Fuck. He always reminds me of an old version of the wee guy on the front of Mad Magazine.

Bono is a wanker. Discuss:

Tough one. When I was younger I loved "The Unforgettable Fire" and "The Joshua Tree".I went to see them live and I even went to see "Rattle And Hum" at the cinema.So, for that, him and U2 will always have a place in my heart...but I prefer my rock and roll stars to be drunken, drug-addled degenerates living the life that I cant afford too, not preaching and harping on about politics. So, is Bono a wanker?Probably not. He's maybe just a bit..dull

Nah he's a wanker.

I love this shit, I always get the last word. Chiggedy check One neck hates you here

My, my, my things have changed rapidly for the better within the Irish comic scene. Last Saturday saw the first (annual?) Irish Comics Expo organised by Rob Curley. Impressive turnout by the public considering there wasn't a picture of Spider-Man on the flyer.

It was great to meet up with the regulars like Gerry Hunt, Alan Nolan and Mr Curley but it was all the new faces that made it for me, Robbie Bonham , Jolien Hampson , Greg O'Brien, Rubber Side Down and those crazy youngsters from the Ponchomania crew.

I also met one of the most modest artists ever in the form Declan Shalvey, a dude from Limerick who has the skills to pay the bills. He sheepishly showed me a comic he drew, Hero Killers and its fuckin brilliant! Me and Poncho (he's still sore that Ponchomania have ' stolen his name') had to ask him to show us what was in the portfolio case he had with him and it was page after page of world class superhero stuff. I buzzed with Declan most of the day and will definitely be meeting him again either to try wangle him into drawing a few comics for me or to smash his hand with a hammer in a fit of justified jealousy.

All in all a great day, sold a few comics, met a few great heads, picked up the Freakshow Graphic Novel and had a decent yap with Gerry Hunt. His new book 'Streets of Dublin' is required reading for any lover of comics, Irish or otherwise.

Three years ago there was just Toenail Clippings and MBLEH! in terms of Irish comics but being there on Saturday showed everyone how fast things can change. Can't wait to see what's
happening next year.

The Gardai got new uniforms this year and although I saw it being launched and lauded on telly and in print I never actually saw it in action till last week.

My first impression of the new uniform was that it was very similar to other European police force's, somewhere between casual and combat. The new Garda one sports an Elvis/Cantona style collar and looks like a jacket you'd get in TK Max.

A young copper strided in slow motion down a road in Terenure while I watched from the car. His movements seemed robotic and his head swiveled left to right taking it all in. And it got me thinking, this newer and slicker uniform must be boosting the Garda's confidence or at least changing their self image. Much the same as a dude I used to know whose whole character and identity changed when he started wearing a black leather jacket, he seemed cockier and more daring as soon as he got it.

So where does that leave us? Will the cops chill out now that they're fashionable? Not looking like thick culchies in ill-cut old style uniforms might decrease the amount of stick they get on the beat which'll lead to less agression on their part or will it push those bad apples further to the darkside now that they look the part? I've had a few experiences with the Garda ranging from brutal assault to genuine pleasantness but it's the brutal assault ones that leave me biased. It amuses me when people from certain parts of Dublin are shocked to hear that so and so was hit by a Garda, growing up in Tallaght and I'm sure its the same in every shitty estate in the world, it's a part of life that the Garda slap the shit out of kids. I witnessed a 15 year old friend get a decent smack from a walkie talkie in the mouth. We were on pushbikes and it was getting dark, they stopped us and asked us why we had no lights on our bikes, my friend said something like ' we don't need them, we only stay in the park' and WHACK!

The clothes make the man. And if the clothes have been changed from formal to combat casual what will that make the man? We've seen how corrupt they let themselves get in Donegal and what about everyone's favourite suntanned jaw breaker Donal Corcoran? Do these boys need to
look and feel more dangerous?

An interesting sideline to this is the unifroms aren't made in the Republic, some crowd in Derry got the contract. Below is a list of what the new Garda uniform includes:

Operational safety boots (with waterproof breathable membrane), manufactured to E.N. 345 Safety Standard
A new 55 m.m utility belt to hold handcuffs, baton and other items of equipment
A Two tone navy and yellow high visibility fluorescent jacket
A Blousson Jacket, waterpoof and lined with tabs to hold the utility belt
An Inner Fleece, zip detachable from Blousson Jacket
A Leather Belt with brass buckle with Garda Crest
A new type shirt with chevrons on right sleeve (for Sergeants)
A new Cap badge which contains corporate colours

A few things strike me as odd from this press release. 'Utility belt' is mentioned twice (oohh...sexy) . 'A leather belt with brass buckle with Garda Crest', Shit, when I read that all I could think of was how many poor bastards are going to get a taste of that lovely Brass buckle
with belts of a different kind in the back of the van? It also mentions 'corporate colours'. Corporate colours? It's the Garda not fuckin Dell!!

Below: Dressed to kill. Check that repressed bitch out caressing her phallus. Look out lads.