My day job (aka Doss Central) can be slightly interesting sometimes. When not on youtube or running my publishing empire I do the occasional bit of product design. This one sticks out as being memorable. The one thing I've learned in this game that I'll take to the grave without ever telling is this: I know why they always say 'colours and weapons may vary' on the back of a toy box.

This project was a garden piece, drawn not by me but by Terry Willers a living legend of a cartoonist who does alot of work for us. Sometimes I have to ink his work and then colour it in and on days like that I feel guilty for being paid. But that guilt soon goes when I get my crap wages.

This was the only drawing he done for it. A lep reclining against a rock in the sun. Do you agree?
I got a call from a new factory in Poland who wanted to quote on some resin work so I sent them the drawing. The deal usually is that they sculpt it for free in the hopes of getting the work. I've yet to abuse this as I'm saving it for the Mr.Amperduke limited edition bust.

A couple of weeks later they sent me this. First thing that I noticed was the hat. It looked like my dick. Then I copped his arm. Where is it? I also noticed that this was cast instead of sculpted meaning that they'd have to re-sculpt and cast. I asked for a shot of the back, trying to suss out his arm. Was it not clear in the drawing? The manufacturers in China can work off the loosest of sketches and even figure out what the plan and projection is without asking.

They sent this back. This threw me, was that his arm? I asked them to send me as many different angles as possible. I was also wary of of the texture on the stone, it looked like hay or straw or something.

Next batch.What the fuck? Look at his hand, besides it's general clumpyness, it seemed to be passing through the hay which was supposed to be a rock. My boss was anxious just to get a photo of it painted so he could submit it to QVC or whatever.

I gave it a bad on screen paint job and sent it over. I can't find the painted version they sent back but it was terrible. I spoke to them on the phone and stressed the fact that they need to fix his arms and hat.
I faxed them this and they STILL couldn't understand what I meant about his arms being wrong. They ended up just annoying me and we told them to forget about it. Really bad first impression.

I had the foresight to send the artwork to China around half way through the process and the above is what they sent back. Fully painted and reclining on a stone. God bless the Chinese. I have a few more riveting accounts like this if you want them, some of which I can't tell until I leave or get fired.

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Forget flarn, this is what the net was invented for, sharing stuff like this:



I think its a male thing, women aren't impressed with this stuff. Sure look at darts and snooker. The above clip is from a Japanese programme who's name as far as I can make out is Pitagora switch(i). These machines were pioneered by a crazy cartoonist called Rube Goldberg. Remember the start of Pee Wee's big adventure? Classic shit. I've always loved domino rallies.
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UPDATE:
just found out that the show is called Pythagorean Switch and here's a 4 minute clip from it. Stick with it, those two lads heave some great moves.



Again the standard of Japanese television is proved superior. Forget fly fishing, when I retire I'll be out in the shed with a box of K-nex and a few marbles.

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I'm shocked to see the amount of reaction to the axing of Rattlebag; online petitions, upstart politicians mouthing off in it's defense and even a myspace account supported by Irish Rock god never-wasbeen Gavin Friday. I thought I was alone in my childish slating of the show but was delighted to read this well written polite dissing it by Eamon Delaney in the Sunday Times:

Robust listeners may feel that too much is being made about the scrapping of Rattlebag (RTE R1, Morl-Fri).In fact, it's demise represents a serious further departure for the national broadcasting service on the arts. You now have to be either famous or dead to be covered properly by RTE arts programming on radio. The axing also signals a defeat in terms of arts coverage competing for big daytime audiences.

Before Rattlebag, The Arts Show occupied the same afternoon slot, with Mike Murphy offering himself as a straight man bringing high or middlebrow arts to the mimics. With Myles Dungan, however, we've had a pedantic, swotted-up version, which didn't really convince. Some of his gaffes are memorable, but other interviews have been just grating, not least because Dungan seems to feel the need to show himself to be as smart as his interviewee.

Recent editions possibly bear this out because, with his anticipated departure, Dungan seems not to be trying too hard. But there has always been a feeling he was going through the motions, as if he cannot wait for the extract to be read or sung, after which the questions can get back to the banal and gnomic. Introducing writer Kate Thompson last week, he told us she had won more awards than she's writen books. Which means what, exactly?

On Monday there was a panel debate about Flann O'Brien's At Swirn-Two-Birds, but the discussion left the listener none the wiser about what the book was about. Instead, Dungan went eagerly to the recited extract, which you just knew was going to be up pint of plain is your only many, that easiest and most tourist-friendly section of the book.

The same programme featured Jeanette Winterson the English author, who in her feisty break-through period would not want to be patronized, but who here gurgled with gratitude when Dungan told her that if there were plans to "do a movie'' of the book, they should definitely use her voice.There was otherwise no wider questioning about Winterson's work nor about the context for her present work, a children's book.

Exactly. That bit I highlihted in red, like a little weirdo, says it all. I was thinking about all those poor misguided petition signers looking for a valuable cause and then this came to mind. Tee hee. Oh remember when Bono's wife was going to save us from Sellafield by destroying several forrests to make postcards for everyone so we could send them to Tony Blair to ignore. Well that worked. Not.

(Dont hate me for using 'not', it's either that or a smiley symbol or somethnig equally gay') --------------------------------------

I love the cover of issue 3 of MBLEH!. It's one of the handful of pieces I've done that I think still looks good. This is the incredibly boring story of how I made it.

I knew what I wanted so I got my lil pal Wormy Mc Worm Worm to pose for a mock up. All the elements are here; the dangling mouse, the red bowl, the sand, the logo and the background colour. People are usually surprised to see Wormy Mc Worm Worm sitting on my drawing desk after seeing him appear in the comic, I've had him for 9 years and he sleeps in a tissue lined box beside my bed.

The above was crappy mock up to see how the action would look. Check out that hi tech
texturing on the sand. Wow.

I'm silly. At the time my photoshop ability was terrible and the only way I could get the desired effect was to use chalk pastels and scan them in, luckily we had an A3 scanner in my job. These were A3. The first two were shit looking but I nailed it on the third try thank God.

Now with the new Wormy I could position it all better,

Back out with the pastels for the background......



These are the other drawn elements, The bowl is cropped on the final cover so you can
see here all the other stuff that Wormy eats.

This bit I loved. I thought that the logo looked too stale on the other covers so I printed it off on an A3 sheet and threw it on the lightbox in work (God bless that studio) and crustified it. I still love this logo. Check out the hiding piss prune above the dot on the exclamation mark and the staples on the H, I'm a prince.

And now a rapid jump forward. There was tons of dicking around; the blood on the walls (which came out shit looking on the print), some corny embossed scratches, the sand and of course the wonderful creeping shadow effects which make me look as if I know what I'm doing.

Then I had to stick a barcode on it and all the other stuff. If I had to do it again, there's loads of things I'd do differently or not at all. Hey, if you want a laugh get your paws on the first issue, I really fucked up that cover. And the funny thing is that it's still selling. Idiots.

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