Aug 2nd

Things I hate about The Wire

We all know HBO’s The Wire is probably the best television series in history, redefining the narrative of blah blah… showing socio political stratums yadda yadda yadda…but there are a few things that I didn’t like about the series.

I was a late comer, all my friends raged about it and I gave it a try but had to give up after 4 episodes until 2 years later when later I tried it again.

I’m not talking about the slightly annoying things such as Rhonda Pearlman morphing from a slob to bangable back to a slob again all within one scene or how horrible the song ‘When you walk in the garden’ is and trying to fast forward it just exactly right always ends up costing you more time, I’m talking about the handful of things that I genuinely hate about The Wire:

Number 1: Johnny the white boy.

the wire johnny

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know he was based on a real person that was schooled by the real Bubbles but this character turned me off watching it the first time I tried to get into it. And yes I know his arc and demise is a counter point to Bubble’s growth etc but come on. The casting in The Wire is otherwise impeccable but him and probably the Iraq vet in season five (another white boy) are just dopey.

Number 2: The lesbian sex scene.

I never thought I’d be complaining about a lesbian scene and I know they probably just put it in for a bit of HBO titty to grab attention but the way Kima’s (and probably Omar too) sexuality is crowbarred in was another reason I gave up on it first time around. It’s pushy character development in a series full of ambiguity and subtitle details.

Number 3: Prez and the dice.

White teacher trying to connect with a classroom of disinterested urban (that means black) kids. It was either going to be a rap or shooting dice. You could see that coming a mile away and I thought the show to be above ‘Hanging with Mr Hooper/Dangerous Minds’ territory. That whole scene was as predictable as the theme for Eminem’s next album.

Number 4: Mobiles

For all it’s gritty realism and the amazing lengths it goes to show us the painstaking work that goes into mobile phone surveillance, it annoyed me that none of the police seem to carry mobile phones. I know in season 4 or 5 Mc Nulty has one but before that it was just pagers and people passing messages. Or am I completely wrong and they all had mobiles?

Number 5: The pub scenes

Okay so the last one was weak but THIS one you have to agree on. I hate when all the police sing The Pogues in the pub. It’s like American Tale or that scene in Titanic where all the loveable Irish rogues are partying to fiddle music. It’s so corny. We get it. ‘Freeborn men of the USA’. Probably partially forgiveable if you consider how many Americans consider themselves Irish and that they think singing The Pogues is what we do.

It makes me cringe. I love The Wire’s smart use of background music so when everybody suddenly starts singing together it’s horrible. HORRIBLE.

I also hated the much vaunted ‘fuck’ scene where Bunk and McNulty just say ‘fuck’ as they inspect a crime scene. The actors pulled it off as best as they could but it’s just too conceited and self aware for me. It’s feel is more fitting of a ‘normal’ cop show or buddy movie and just sits wrong in The Wire.

So that’s what I hate about The Wire.

Well to be honest what I really hate about it is that it’s too good and deserving of all the hype and praise. If you haven’t seen it you’re in for a treat. If you love CSI go dress as a baby and repeatedly punch yourself in the face until your parents have to spoon feed you again because that’s what you like.

Posted in Blog, illustrated blogs, rants by Bob on Aug 2nd | comments icon 13 Comments

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  • http://www.ztoical.com Cliodhna

    I will agree with you slightly on the whole Kimba lesbian aspect but not Omar as I really found him to be one of the most original gay characters on US television.

    Regarding the whole mobile thing, “cell phone” culture in the US has been slow to get going TBH, when I first moved to the states I found the whole thing so backwards – there was no such thing as pay as you go and getting a contract was a royal pain in the hole, then theres that whole mess of charging both the person making the call and the person receiving the call and there’s no difference between cell phone numbers and landline numbers so you’d no clue what you were calling. It’s only in the last 2 or so years they’ve really started to get the hang of decent mobile phone service and people do still stick to their pagers so I wouldn’t be surprised if none of them had a phone at least in the earlier seasons.

  • http://www.ztoical.com Cliodhna

    O just to add for the longest time local calls from payphones/landlines were free which is why alot of people would stick with pagers and call people from the nearest payphone [usually two on each corner]

  • http://www.clamnuts.com Bob

    Nah I love Omar and Kima, love that they’re gay, Omar is definitely the best gay character on telly but the ‘Hey Kima, why don’t you like men?’ thing was just too much. You could tell Omar and Brandon had something going as soon as you see them together but for the first time viewer you’re left thinking ‘so this is why The Wire is different, it has two gay characters?’ when it’s really nothing special.

    Also thought Brother Mouzone was a bit of an ‘OZ’ character too

  • http://n/a Kenny Evil

    Another thing: series 1 was based off an actual case that Ed Burns worked in 1990, hence the use of pagers and typewriters.

    Also, as for gay characters, Omar could only work alone as the machoism of both the police and the gangs would have meant that an openly gay character wouldn’t have been able to work in either. Kima gets a pass, ironically because she’s gay. If she was straight she’d probably have a hard time working there. As she’s gay she’s seen as “one of the guys” so gets the respect she’s due. it’s also why Rawls never comes out during the series and makes damn sure no one even suspects him of being gay (eg when he picks up the porn mag in Landsman’s office)

    By the way, i love that last image.

    Chris

    Chris

  • Stewbie

    Heh, good post man. The American Tail reference is spot on. I hated when Wallace got smoked, come on, as if he’d really piss himself. No just messing, that’s my favourite part. You should do a CSI one. God I hate that nonsense.

    Plus I think you’re completely wrong about the phones, I know Mc Nulty is always using a phone box in the pub but that’s because he’s doing the classic ‘my phone died so I couldn’t call you baby’ bit.

  • collieennis

    the Rhonda Pearlman ‘is she hot or not??’ thing is spot on, been renting space in my brain for an age, glad im not alone on that. i still would regardless.

  • http://www.clamnuts.com Bob

    Ahh…Cheers Chris, the mobile thing is making sense to me now. I suppose it shows the contrast between the police and criminal organisations too, that while the goodies are still fumbling with pagers etc, the baddies are discarding mobiles.

    Stewbie, I’ve only ever seen 3 episodes of CSI and it sucks balls.

    Collie I would like a light too. Brandon too.

  • http://clamnuts.com/spazz/comics/08052010/ spazzmoid – fun comics every friday by Bob Byrne » Archive » Michael Landon part 16: Bubble writing

    [...] Check out everything I hate about THE WIRE [...]

  • http://Frankprendergast.ie Frank Prendergast

    Yeah, Brother Mouzone (or however it’s spelled) always felt out of place to me. Also, generally I just pretend there were only four seasons.

  • SM

    Bob, Have you watched The Mentalist yet?

    Its a ludicrous present day Sherlock Holmes ultra-intuitive detective. He’s as super as any of CSI heads. Totally ridiculous in other words. The show is quite repetitive, easy to make fun of and poke holes in, the main characters are paint by numbers but I still think it has a lot of charm and humour.

    And Van Pelt is incredible.

  • http://www.clamnuts.com Bob

    Hey man, never heard of it, sounds…mental. Van Pelt is another show?

  • SM
  • bitmuch

    wrong wrong wrong wrong

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